Sex and South Asians: The Ultimate Taboo

Being sexy, bollywood style


Raise you’re hand if you’re brown and never got the “birds and bees” AKA SEX talk. –RAISES BOTH HANDS IN THE AIR BUT SHE ACTUALLY CARES-

Diving right in, shall we? I had the pleasure of meeting Mandip from The Hungry Orchid (bad-ass platform for women, BTW) yesterday and she pointed out how I am not one for small talk. –guilty-. I love songs that start right away and I love getting to the point right away even more. I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately, actually. (not like that, you weirdos. Or maybe, lol).

If you heard me on Deepa Berar’s podcast, then you know I’m not currently dating and am in isolation mode. Rather, I am in reflection mode. Reflecting on the concept and importance of sex, reflecting on being South Asian and what that means for my personal life. You see 2017 was the year I pushed myself to the limit in terms of what society’s expectations were for my personal life. And two months ago, I finally told everyone to fuck off and decided I was going to do me. However, that is a story for another day.

S-E-X. I can just see my mom and all the aunties face palming. Stating that sex is taboo in the South Asian community is a massive, massive understatement.

Bollywood movies tip-toe around it, Hollywood movies make it seem normal AF to go around having it and the new on-line dating culture damn near makes people feel entitled to it. “Like NO F BOY I DON’T WANT TO BANG YOU I JUST FUCKING MET YOU. SEX IS PERSONAL (I think)?” Especially for women. I mean just the mere thought of the social consequences of an unintended pregnancy or someone in the South Asian community finding out you’ve had sex when you’re not married have scared me enough to just plain not have sex, not think about it, not be curious about it from ages like 8-25 (oh how times have changed). So much so that I never got the birds and the bees talk and I don’t know too many of my South Asian friends that have.

I mean I am not complaining…I had enough friends and the internet to teach me everything I needed to know. BUT…it would be nice to not have this dooming fear surrounded around such a natural thing with my parents.

See the thing is because sex is such a taboo topic, I never got to openly talk to my mom and learn about the emotional side sex plays in relationships, dating, etc. And it may not be our parents’ fault, they probably didn’t get the talk either. At 27 years old, I am JUST learning about men, sex and relationships. And the only reason I am is because I serial dated for a while and asked the dudes I went on dates with and my guy friends very, very honest questions. (I may have only gone on those dates to fulfill this little social experiment of mine…SHHHHH).

To be fair, my parents come from a generation of folks who didn’t date so maybe they wouldn’t have been able to provide me with the information I needed to navigate in this online-dating, matrimonial site, F Boy culture I am living in.

I think making the topic of sex less taboo would really help the next generation. It would give them perspective on questions I never got the answer to until I was in my late 20’s like:

1. How to deal with and or not give into societal pressure to have sex?
2. What do you do if a guy you thought loved you left you after sex?
3. How can you distinguish a FUCK BOY from a REAL DUDE (it took me wayyyy to long to learn this).
4. WTF to do after you’ve had sex?

I know I am setting myself up for a hard time here, because my future kids will expect a pristine “birds and bees” talk from me. On that note, let me go prepare myself…

What’s a taboo topic that tickles your fancy? LMK…I’d be happy to write about 🙂



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